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WRAP-UP Overall, the big winners in our only-vaguely-scientific study were Happy Camper for its rock-steady sustaining powers, Ener-B for its calm rush and Polar Bear Snuff for reminding everyone of why we started gleefully abusing the illegal versions of these compounds in the first place.

To give all the products their due, most of them, to one turgid degree or another, do what they promise. They gave everyone in our volunteer group a minor league energy boost. If their kick was a disappointment, that was fallout from a combo of our overheated expectations and the sales pitches. Many of these stim companies grease their marketing campaigns with more than a little snake oil. Even names like Power Play and Hi-Ener-G set you up for something more than the mediocre cup-of-coffee rush they provide. And the pseudo-medicinal packaging of, say, Escalation makes it look both legit and recreationally abusable.

One final note: almost no one in our test group got much sleep after our last marathon stimulant speed trials. Liberal doses of melatonin got most of us on the nod for at least a few hours, but left the group with a collective speed hangover big enough to subdivide and homestead. It took another round of Polar Bear Snuff to get most of the walking wounded back on their feet.

Caveat Emptor.    </end>
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