I've generated a list of Helpful Hints and Possible Other Excuses for the Erstwhile Taxi Hacker. Just lots of random stuff that came into my mind. Question: Did Ms Truth-or-Dare actually do any of these on her little rendezvous? Perhaps in life? Thoughts... Answer: That's for me to know and you to find out, punk. Anyway, this is of course For Informational/Curiosity Purposes Only. The staff at Stim is certainly one of the most law-abiding groups of people I've ever worked with and I'm certain that they would neither advocate nor expect their readers to take any of the following suggestions seriously. (Editor's note: we had to get her stoned to make her say that. Thanks, Alissa!)

TLC policy apparently states that you're legally obligated to "pay in good faith" (I believe that's how it goes). Be creative here: ask the driver for his or her home address to mail the fare. And don't forget the good ol' fashioned barter policy! It worked with country doctors and lawyers earlier in this century, who says that it can't work with modern-day, crusty NYC cabbies? Think of it this way...that package of Grandma Gibson's homemade snickerdoodles would probably cost at least the equivalent of a crosstown cab ride. If you were to buy them in a trendy downtown bakery or whatever. And if you were so lucky as to receive a pair of handknitted socks or bootie slippers...we're talking virtual goldmine here. This might even be a great way to get rid of those horrible gifts you've no idea what to do with after the holidays. I mean, the store won't exchange it for one reason or another, that ugly useless cheese server or that lumpy sweater or whatever is clogging up your life and your apartment, it should still be worth something. I mean, I know it's February already, but surely you've still got a useless gift or two hanging around the house and you're too embarrassed to push it off onto someone you actually know.

For the really desperate and perverted: try something sexual! Come on now, it's time to bring a bit of NYC style to J.G. Ballard's classic Crash theme. I personally know of one woman who managed to travel all the way from the West Fifties to the Lower East Side without paying a dime! How did she do it? She managed to do the Nasty with her boyfriend in the backseat. But the genius is that you can do this alone, with a partner, or with a bunch of partners! And chances are, everyone involved is going to have a great time. You'll either get laid or know just how long it takes for you to manually reach orgasm! And the cabbie will be treated to one of them good ol' fashioned Times Square-style sex shows. For free. Can't beat that, huh? Oh, and if they still ask for payment after all of that, just flash them a glimpse of moist genital area or whatever, give 'em a big ol' Cheshire cat grin, and hightail it the hell out of there. Beware: the cabbie might want to join in or something. I leave this to your discretion.

You've two ways out of the situation if things get creepy: fast shoes or money. Two most important accessories to everyone's life. Make absolutely certain that you've got at least one of the following items on you before you attempt this deed: (a) a good pair of running shoes (worn at the time of the Hack, of course) and/or (b) your wallet. Or a handful of change. Even if it is like seventy cents. In pennies.


So have fun, gentle readers, and remember, whatever you do, make sure you put a hell of a lot of common sense around it.

And remember to leave some sort of a tip at the end. Hell. I did. And I must say, I was with it, as well.    </end>

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ALISSA BADER grew up somewhere in the wildlands of suburban Washington, DC. After a brief tenure in Iowa (ostensibly for school), and after an even briefer tenure washing pots (with an ex-wrestler named Leroy), she found herself in New York City. Currently, Alissa attends Hunter College and is an editorial assistant for a Major University Press. Her goal is, as always, to figure out How To Make a Living.

illustrations by Georgia