Featured Selections
1) Carveillance System: Three riddled thug bodies, a burning car, and your smoking gun. What exactly happened? When you're out in the cruiser and a situation develops, you don't always have the time to take notes on what went down. Just hit rewind & play it back on the Silent Partner III System - you can replay the tape for your other cop buddies right in the squad car, and maybe even re-sell the footage to "COPS" for big $$$.

Delicious Product Copy: "Improve the quality of evidence you present and make yourself even more credible in court."

2) Animal Warning Alert: Another vehicular enhancement, these dandy little items mount on your flasher rack and emit a constant high frequency sound to repel animals. However, they're small enough to carry around on your person and terrorize other people's pets with.

Delicious Product Copy: "How can you save thousands of dollars in vehicle/deer collisons for as little as $7.99?"

3) Gall's Miranda Card: "Usted Tiene el Derecho de Permanecer Callado." Tucked away in the Bags & Organizers section is a tidy little piece of implied racism, a business card with phonetic translations of the Miranda Rights ("You have the right to remain silent") from English to Spanish. Why memorize them in a new language? Perfect to pass around at parties.

Delicious Product Copy: "Comes in a pack of 100"

4) Bilingual Biohazard Bags: Not to underplay the entire EMS section of the catalog, but these little babies are just bursting with possibility. Tired of people rummaging through your trash? Feel like sending out a paranoid message of contaminant fear with your garbage? Throw 'em out on the sidewalk & watch the passers-by give them a wide berth.

Delicious Product Copy: "To be extra sure that the bags will be burned without being opened , secure them with BIOHAZARD: BURN tape (sold separately below)."

5) The Rhino Immobilizer: Car boots are a real pain in the ass when the coppers use them on you. Why not harness the power of the car boot for yourself? Revenge can be sooo sweet.

Delicious Product Copy: "May also be used as an anti-theft device!" Right.

6) Lock-Picking Devices & Books: A fairly comprehensive array of tools & literature on how to break into just about anything. Hey! Why are they teaching this stuff to the COPS? Well, at least the same materials are available to persistent civilians too.

Delicious Product Copy: "All items on this page sold ONLY to Public Safety Personnel" At least the pictures are fairly detailed.

7) Adhesive Violation Notices: Plastic pouches not unlike the Fed-Ex adhesive paperwork pouches, these ones are handsomely printed with a day-glo orange "VIOLATION NOTICE" on the front. Makes damn sure your memos get read!

Delicious Product Copy: "No more excuses! Protect parking violation notices in bad weather!"

8) REDMAN Training Gear- by Macho: A full 13-piece red padded suit that makes you look like Godzilla's latest sparring partner. Ostensibly for rough "training" episodes, it would also scare the bejeesus out of children. Do yourself a favor and take a look at the picture. For the Stormtrooper in you.

Delicious Product Copy: "Simulation training is crucial to becoming a good officer."

9)DUI Check II: Own your very own breathalyzer! If someone claims to be able to drink more than you, challenge them to a Blood Alcohol level contest. Last one standing wins! Also suitable for comparing your results against that of the arresting officer.

Delicious Product Copy: "Within 5% accuracy." Give or take a bottle.

10) Thunderwear Holster: Although the variety of holsters depicted herein is nearly infinite, this one takes the cake. Combining BVDs and a gun holster, the "Thunderwear" lets you put your money where your mouth is (or something like that). To think, I always used duct tape to tape my gat to my.... Never mind.

Delicious Product Copy: "Holster features a magazine pocket for extra ammo" Careful! Officer Friendly is reaching into his pants again!

11) Red Gun Rubber Training Aids: WOW! Authentic looking red rubber guns, also for "training!" Should I get the AutoGlock 17 or the Smith & Wesson 9mm? Laugh riot!

Delicious Product Copy: "They will not injure trainees and are shaped to fit your duty holster."

12) Flex-Cuf: A cheery combination between handcuffs and garbage bag ties. Tapered tip and ribbed grip let you cuff a prisoner fast! I need not even speculate about the potential for abuse.

Delicious Product Copy: "There's even a write-on area for quick identification—and they're disposable so you don't have to worry about retrieving them." Nothing says love like effective crowd control.

13) TAC Lite: Another delightful hybrid item. It's a giant flashlight that telescopes into a flexible assault baton! Let there be light. BONK! Check out the demo photo.

Delicious Product Copy: "When you go into dark areas, you need to be prepared to defend yourself." Is that racist ad copy, or am I just tripping?

14) Convex Riot Shield: Not to be confused with an ordinary riot shield, this one is clear and CONVEX, so you can trap people against walls with it. Sounds like a fun party game. This gem is one among many in the "You asked for it! More items for Correctional Facilities! section"

Delicious Product Copy: "Use it to pin aggressive prisoners in the corner or up against the wall!" Up against the wall is exactly where I want you.

15) Bionic Ear: Oooh. Spy magic. Hook the headset up to the handheld parabolic reflector and listen to conversations up to 100 yards away. You KNOW they're always talking about you.

Delicious Product Copy: "Listen to conversations through open windows, around corners, and more!" And MORE?

The Gall's Buyer's Guide is available for FREE. Call 1-(800)-944 - 7766.
Fax in your orders in to 1-(800)- 944-2557. Order NOW, pilgrim.

2470 Palumbo Drive
P.O. Box 55266
Lexington, Kentucky
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