Regulars

By Greg Kuchmek, Trekkie.

I do not attend Star Trek conventions. I do not own any Star Trek comic books, nor have I ever owned a model kit, action figure, or uniform. I don't read Klingon dictionary in my spare time; I don't listen to Klingon language tapes on my Walkman. I don't want to ever touch a hairpiece worn by Shatner during his stint on T.J. Hooker. I do not like to wear yellow Sclera lenses so that I can look like Data, or a prosthetic Klingon forehead. I am not a Trekkie.

Like most people, I grew up watching reruns of the original series. There's nothing Trekkie about that. Sure, I watched it until I'd seen just about every episode possible; so what? After high school, I forgot about it completely—I did!— until The Next Generation came along in the late 1980s. I watched a few of the early episodes. It didn't really click for me; it took until the last season for me to get into it at all. Even then, I could take it or leave it. As for Deep Space Nine and …geez, give me "Lost in Space" over either of them anyday!

Several times a week I come across Star Trek key chains, banks, Worf's head toilet paper dispensers, Picard umbrellas, Data coffee mugs, Deanna Troi mouthwash, et cetera. Do I buy them? No. If I had a Star Trek plate designed by the Franklin Mint, I would eat off it. If I had a $3000 original Lt. Sulu action figure from 1974, I would sell it.

I'll admit, I'm looking forward to the new film, "Star Trek VIII: First Contact." But that's only because it's still fun to see a decent science fiction film on the big screen, Trek film or not. Hey, I'm just as sickened by these Trekkies as you are! It's their kind of ridiculous obsession that makes me deny my fandom; frankly, it gives me the willies. I'm just glad I'm not a part of it.    </end>

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