I've got one word for you, my hotheaded pretties: SATURN. Your usual tricks & treats can't save you this Halloween. No more strutting around in a tight red devil dress, kissing strangers in the streets, bobbing for apples when it's not your turn. With heavily aspected Saturn retrograde in your sign, opposing exalted Venus, drunken partygoers will be seduced by your fiery insouciance and insistent charm. Some drag you into endless, heartfelt conversations while others pull you toward the bedroom, but BEWARE! There may be a razor blade hidden in that candy apple.

Since you cannot, alas, make this time of heavy Karma simply go away, you should choose to learn from it. 'Til Saturn goes direct, practice past-life therapy daily with Madame Magdalen's Patented Self-Hypnosis Regression Kit, $24.95, available at finer department stores.

Recommended Costume:
Knight in Shining Armor

Drawing by Anthony Goicolea