If you dress up as a nun, your wimple won't be white enough. If you attend a retro-themed Halloween party, the decorations won't be cheesy enough for your clever tastes. If you conduct a Samhain ritual, the feast won't be quite as bloody as you'd like, or Sun King won't pass into darkness fast enough. Damn it! Can't a Virgo get any peace around here?

In a word, no. While everyone else stumbles around in a haze of contrary influences and troublesome epiphanies, you're trying to find the perfect channel for the dark forces at work. Martian energy kicks you into a determined but cantankerous mode; you'd do well to stop whipping equine corpses and focus on this prime opportunity to pick up after everyone else's messes. Sagittarian may request exorcism; offer your trained assistance. Capricorn leaves stains.

Recommended Costume:
Jiminy Cricket

Drawing by Anthony Goicolea