Place: Jacob Javits Convention Center, midtown Manhattan
Date: August 26, 1996
Time: 9:00 a.m.

I am so hung over. I am sitting on a little red tuffet at the International Security Convention Expo at the Jacob Javits Center and I feel like hell. There are video monitors everywhere and I look like hung over crap on every one of them. I went to margarita night last night, even though I had to wake up at 7 a.m. to come here. Thank God I puked before I came, because the Expo's color-scheme is eye-twitching, seizure-inducing fire alarm red: red carpets, red banners, red walls, red brochures, red, red, red.

This is the largest security expo ever, and boasts 90,000 square feet of kiosks and their salespeople, presenting the latest products in Closed Circuit Television security, locks, deadbolts, intercoms, alarms, mace spray, detectors, door openers and more! The hosts, Security Industry Association and Reed Exposition Company, have organized product demos and awards for best new products. And just in case the products don't feed your paranoia enough, the Expo offers informative seminars like "How to Sell Fear Without Using Scare Tactics."

I came with Larry and Adam, who both work with Julia Scher, a video artist who creates sexualized surveillance installations—video cameras monitor gallery goers, while her voice says things like "Danger! Dirty Data!" on echoey intercoms. I love her work because I want the world to be more like the curvy and techno LOGAN'S RUN. I was a security guard go-go boy at one of her performances. Dressed in a pink guard outfit, I held up syringes and enema bags while she chanted "My cheeks are hamster full of your surveillance!" and Meg, this completely hairless woman, lay on the stage with a camera between her legs. It was really fun!