WRONG: Quelle horreur! This is the West Coast boy's interpretation of The Painter, an archetype he admires. But it takes more than a paintbrush and a surly attitude to convince girls that they want to pose nude for you—much less sleep with you. For that, you need the French touch.


RIGHT: Wow! Or as the French say, Oui! Our clumsy painter boy emerges a true artiste, like Cinderella from the pumpkin coach. How to achieve the look? Replace dumb American boy hat (stocking cap, pictured; baseball cap, worn either way 'round, not pictured) with a fine wool felt beret. T-shirts should be removed; instead, wear a fetching painter's frock or go bare-chested (especially if you paint with large, vigorous gestures, occasionally spitting at the canvas). The addition of spectacles says, "I know all about the Impressionists, but they are silly little men," while a finely-waxed moustache gives the face a Provençal heartiness. Top off the ensemble with a gaily-coloured scarf, tied at the neck, and you'll never be mistaken for a hetero American male again.

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