WRONG: Strewn with beer bottles and smelling of stale mac-n-cheese, the American writer's natural habitat is a dead giveaway. But even if she sat nonchalantly over a café crême at her local sidewalk boîte, our model's dishevelled clothes and burnt-out demeanor would read très americaine. Dad's old workshirt, black Levi's, and Converse All-Stars are plenty comfy, but what do they say about your artistic aspirations? Bukowski meets Courtney Love! How 1991—and, worse still, how very American!


RIGHT: Voilà! Awash in mystère and well-coiffed artiness, our gal has French Writer Babe written all over her. How did we achieve this transformation? Très simple.

The ratty hair and Minnie Mouse barrette were replaced with a chic bob. The Lulu bob is a staple among DIY home hairdressers: part hair in the centre. Chop ends in a straight line that falls just above your fabulously sculpted jawline. If desired, chop bangs in a straight line; add cloche or scarf to achieve a 1920s Parisienne aura that says I have just slept with your husband and I feel so... melancholique. For the full Anaïs effect, leave hair long in front. Let your handmaid create two perfect, subtle curls on either cheek while you gaze at the garden and plot the seduction of your psychiatrist.

To eliminate the "I live in Seattle and can drink more Old Crow than your grandpa" bagginess around the eyes, try the French Beauty Sleep Treatment. First, soak in a long, languorous bath brimming with hand-plucked French lavender and exotic Oriental perfumes. Secondly, make blissful, sensual love with the nearest oversexed expatriate, followed by a round of blind passion with your husband. Write about the both of them in your diary whilst wearing a silk kimono. Sleep 'til noon. This formula has worked like a charm for decades of gorgeous French women—if they can do it, why not you?

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