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by Andrew Cohen



The Berlin Wall has crumbled. The Soviet Union has collapsed. The Cold War is behind us...Or is it?

I'm sorry, my tragically naive friend, but not so fast. Although the threat of global communism may have waned—though some of us still have our doubts—the world is facing a new threat that poses a peril so insidious, so pervasive, so shrouded in deception that most don't even know it exists. And those who do know are much too scared to talk.

As a patriotic American, it's my duty to expose the brutal reality that our so-called government leaders won't acknowledge. I think you already know the villainous entity to which I refer, but you may not know the depraved depths to which they've sunk in their desire to destroy us. Of course I'm talking about the French. Why, you can smell the cheesy stench of their deceit from across the Atlantic.

Imagine awaking one day to find American kids forced to wear berets and read Tintin comics? Disgusting!

Just thinking about it makes my physically ill. Imagine awaking one day to find American kids forced to wear berets and read Tintin comics? Disgusting!

Now, our wine-sipping liberal elite, with their dusty unread Proust and their inane reverence for Camus, would like to think that France and America can be vieux amis together.

Well, I say BULLHOCKEY!

The French are unlike us. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's something in the mineral water. Who knows? But we do know that the French are a cold-blooded, fanatical people, rabid in the belief in their own superiority. They tolerate no deviation from their sick ideology, whether it's hemlines or post-structuralism. The idea that we can peacefully coexist with France is a deadly illusion. The French are evil, predatory, and hegemonistic. Given half a chance, they'll swallow us whole then ask for seconds.

They tolerate no deviation from their sick ideology, whether it's hemlines or post-structuralism.

Our pseudo-sophisticates like to say that the French are lovers, not fighters—a soulful, artistic, poetic people, better known for surrender than conquest. They say we have nothing to fear from a country that caved within days in every major war since 1812. They say we need greater understanding of the French point of view.

Well understand this, Jacques: I'm one American who won't let the Frenchyfication of the U.S.A. become a fait accompli.

Comprendez-vous, Pierre?

How easy it was for them to play us for fools. Their cheap pose of military ineptitude masked their geopolitical cunning while lulling us into a false sense of security. They arrive here openly as "exchange students" and "continental chefs," then slip unseen into the shadows. I can't prove it, but I'm certain most of the illegals sneaking over our border are undercover French saboteurs, spies, and agents provocateurs here on "black ops" missions.

The chain-smoking French octopus already has its tentacles around America's heart. Good God, look what they've already done to New Orleans!

Already the strategic encirclement of America has begun. One day soon, they'll be ready to crush us like a grape between the jaws of Quebec and Martinique. The chain-smoking French octopus already has its tentacles around America's heart. Good God, look what they've already done to New Orleans!

Still think the French are harmless? Then why did the best-funded candidate in the last presidential election have a distinctly Francophone silent "T" at the end of his name? And is it any coincidence that "Star Trek" returned to the air with a Frenchman at the helm? Who's behind that? Worst of all, the French control a number of seemingly American businesses. Every time you buy a Bic pen, an RCA TV, or sleep at Motel 6, you're strengthening the French New World Order. Ask yourself: Why does France need 500 nuclear warheads? To defend them from Luxembourg? Ha! I scoff at your gullibility!

We must show strength if we don't want to end up like Belgium and the other slave states of Western Europe.

C'mon, wake up, America! We're in a fight to the finish here. The French are a rough, tough, nasty bunch whose iniquity is limitless. But they only seem strong. Inside they are they are sick: Their system is corrupt—effete, sterile, teetering—and they know it. That's why they hate us—they envy our spunk and vitality. We must show strength if we don't want to end up like Belgium and the other slave states of Western Europe.

The French understand only one thing: superior might. We need to show the Elysee Palace goons that we mean business. We can prevail. We must prevail. And with your help, we will prevail.   <end>



Andrew Cohen is a writer. Past pieces for STIM include Cosmos Patrol, Chick 6: Satanic Conspiracy Exposed, and World Domination.



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