Ask a Jap!

by Prudence L. Weisenbroad

Every month, Miss Prudence L. Weisenbroad of Long Island, New York, answers reader questions on subjects close to their hearts.

Dear Prudence,

Adore the column!

My question: can one go too far with pet purchases? I've been feeling really sad that my indoor kitties do not get the chance to experience the joy of the hunt that their true nature desires. Oh sure, they meow at the birds through the window and catch the occasional spider, but that's not really the same is it?

Would it be too weird if I bought some gold fish and put them in the bathtub for a little kitty fishing trip?

Kisses,

Crazy Cat Lady

Dear CCL,

Too far? You have taken on a grave responsibility in adopting and caring for those sweet otherwise motherless creatures. In doing so you have made a serious gesture--you have, in fact, offered to act as their mother. As a mother, you have certain urges and responsibilities. To deny these beautiful motherly instincts simply because we are talking cats here would be a speciously biased act. In that light, consider the following:

As a mother to humans --wouldn't you nurture your children's' survival skills and prepare them for the cold cruel world outside?
YES --YOU WOULD.
As a mother to humans--wouldn't you foster and cherish in your children all things that make them most human?
YES--YOU WOULD.
As a mother to humans --wouldn't you insist your angels get their fair share of romps and exercise, knowing this is essential to health, happiness and longevity?
YES--YOU WOULD.

Therefore,

As a mother to cats--shouldn't you nurture their survival skills and prepare them for the cold cruel world outside, in case, God forbid, they find freedom in a fire escape or open window?
YES --YOU SHOULD.
As a mother to cats --shouldn't you foster and cherish in your cats all things that make them most adorably feline?
YES -- YOU SHOULD.
As a mother to cats -- shouldn't you ensure your kitties get their fair share of romp and exercise - knowing full well this is essential to health, happiness and longevity?
YES - YOU SHOULD.

Your little fishing expedition will not be weird at all. It will, in fact, be the most motherly thing you could do.

Kisses,

PLW

Dear Prudence:

Help me!! I spend all my money traveling!! Bills are behind!! (Though not the rent or cable fer god's sake) And I'm still not out of checks yet. Please respond ASAP so I can finish making my plans for my visit to NYC!

Yours in spending,

In the Red

Dear ItR,

Pru has a little secret for you darling:

Owe the bank a thousand dollars ... and ... the bank owns you.
Owe the bank a million dollars ... and ... you own the bank.

Think about it.

Use up your checks.

And come to New York. We'll go shopping.

Prudence L. Weisenbroad

Pru wrote this column in her Prada shoes, her Versace dress, and with beautifully manicured nails. </end>